Hi, friends!

There is something about this time of year that makes white saviorism come to mind…maybe it’s the lack of diverse representation in St. Nicholas imagery or the over abundance of white baby Jesus nativity figurines, but I have been doing a lot of eyebrow raising lately and wanted to share with you all:

1. About when white saviorism came up in my own allyship journey

2. A quick Q&A (we will address the what, why, and how)

3. Thoughts about how to help your kids avoid white saviorism in their allyship journeys

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Last summer I sent this picture to six of my closest college girlfriends, with the caption “Jamie’s daughter being Jamie’s daughter!” and a confession that I might have been crying while drinking my margarita in one of our favorite restaurants, thinking about each of them.

I have wonderful memories of sharing a meal with my people at this restaurant—many of them Latinx students who accepted this light-skinned, blue-eyed Mexican American transracial adoptee from Idaho with open arms and helped her learn about what it means to be Latinx.

But learning is never free. It’s never easy. And when it comes to learning about allyship it’s never without pain.

Learning about White saviorism is painful, and I started to learn about White saviorism as a college student in that same Mexican restaurant, at the expense of the dignity and respect of a dear friend.

One night, a professor walked over to my friends and I as we were standing to leave and engaged my friend, who happened to be his student, in a conversation—making it awkwardly clear he thought my friend was at the restaurant working as a server. Before any of us could correct him, he patted my friend’s shoulder and shook his head in wonder saying, “I think it’s great that they let you guys take classes at the university too.” before smiling and walking off, oblivious to the offensiveness of his assumptions.

This friend was a frequent flier on the dean’s list, months away from graduating and continuing a career of serving in the United States Navy as an Officer. He is a phenomenal leader and happens to be one of the smartest, funniest, and patient guys I know (not to mention one of my favorite brother-in-laws) He also happened to be Mexican-American.

This professor, who happened to be White and a couple generations ahead of us:

1) Assumed his student, probably due to his brown skin and Spanish name, worked at the only Mexican Restaurant in town.

2) Couldn’t imagine that my friend could possibly find his way on campus without some sort of charitable act from the University.

3) Had created a narrative in his mind in which our predominantly White university, of which he was a part, was doing good in the world by allowing non-white students to attend.

4) Was zero percent aware of the ignorance, privilege, and white supremacist nature of his comments. In fact, I honestly think that he thought he was being kind to my friend.

Eww.

White saviorism is gross, and new allies are vulnerable to falling victim to this big no-no in allyship.

It is so important that we learn about white saviorism and teach our children about it, so that we can be equipped allies that show up in helpful, not harmful, ways.

Let’s do a little White saviorism F.A.Q. sesh before we jump into the good stuff about how to teach about it without making our kids feel bad!

Q: What is white saviorism?

A: White people hopping in to “fix” the problems experienced by people of color without understanding the history, nuance, or complexity of the issue at hand and/or without considering one’s own complicity or privilege in relation to the problem.

To use my “Listen, Learn, Love” framework—it is assuming one’s actions are loving before taking the time to really listen and learn. White saviorism is acting in pride rather than humility, rushing into a situation and asking, “What can I do to help fix this problem?” without first asking: “What can I stop doing to help fix this problem?”

Q: Why is it harmful?

A: White saviorism relies heavily on the assumption that white folks have the solutions to all the problems, even though they could not possibly understand the problems fully…and you know what they say about assuming.

It’s frustrating and hurtful to hear the opinions and solutions of someone who has shown up late to the fight against racism and doesn’t understand the history or complexity. It perpetuates the power dynamics of white supremacy, no matter how unintended, under the guise of niceness and helping.

In a sentence: white saviorism is harmful because it often leads to centering the white savior’s intentions “I didn’t mean to!” or “I didn’t know!” rather than centering the circumstances of the oppressed, ultimately impeding meaningful progress toward dismantling racially unjust systems.

Q: How can I avoid it?

A: You’re just trying to help, right? I get it. But, as we sometimes explain to our kids here at Corbin Casa, who are learning how to be helpful in family life, sometimes less is more, especially at the beginning of learning.

Consider practicing these allyship skills, which can help avoid white saviorism:

· Observing carefully

· Asking clarifying questions.

· Considering various perspectives of a problem

· Accepting the fact that meaningful progress takes more time than it should

· Approaching any effort to help, especially if it’s a new thing you’re learning to help with, with an abundance of humility

Once we learn how to avoid white saviorism, our next task as allies is to prepare our kids for their own allyship journeys.

Here is what I do not recommend: jumping headfirst into a conversation about white saviorism with the kiddos without having previous conversations about whiteness (and race in general) and ensuring they have a clear concept of savior.

Instead, I would encourage you to take baby steps forward in developing your kids’ understanding about race through ongoing conversations.

And while those understandings are developing, you can start to building your child’s appreciation for a healthy, respectful, collaborative model for problem solving by taking advantage of the never-ending opportunities to help them overcome their own obstacles in a way that models the skills listed above.

Rather than swooping in and saving your kid with your solution to the problem de jur, dig deep for patience and grace, then start making observations and asking questions.

Identify the problem:

“Can you help me understand the problem?”

Pro-tip: This can be an incredibly frustrating question, especially to a young child, who is struggling and just wants the problem solved for them. Chances are there will be some situations where it’s easier for everyone involved if you simply state what you’re observing and ask, “Is that the problem?”

Assume that they are capable, but make your help an available option:

“What are you going to do about that?”

This was the most powerful question I ask my students when they are trying to solve their own problems.

The second most empowering question was, “Would you like some help brainstorming some solutions?”

Model humility:

Admit that you might not be seeing the situation from their perspective and continue asking them questions until you understand where they are coming from.

When you make mistakes, apologize quickly.

And always, always be affirming your future young ally:

“You can do hard things.”

As your child starts to value their own ability to solve their problems, they will be able to more deeply value others’ experiences navigating their problems and be less inclined to rush in to save the day.

Here are a couple of hands-on practical ways to steer your kid clear of white-saviorism:

1) Do a quick library scan—are your kiddos only seeing white characters in the stories they read? Fix that! Let them see diverse characters doing diverse things (read: do not only buy books featuring Black kids that talk about hair!)

2) Make a historically and culturally accurate representation of Jesus a non-negotiable in your home. White Jesus is not a Biblical Jesus. Pro-tip: Run away from any faith-based institution claiming to follow Jesus Christ that insists on featuring white Jesus, especially in their Children’s curriculum (🚩🚩🚩). Also, don’t use any type of illustrated Bible that has predominantly white characters.

3) There are amazing artists, leaders, activists, inventors, writers, musicians, educators, etc. in every culture—make a purposeful effort to learn more about them. If you need a starting point, we love the books written by Vashti Harrison: Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History, Little Leaders: Bold Men in Black History, and Little Dreamers: Visionary Women Around the World.

We can do this, friends! We can become better our allies ourselves and help our kids get a strong foundation for allyship!

Wishing you as much peace as possible as you end the year with the kids home on break and all the usual routines get destroyed by holidays (bless them!)

Cheering for you,

Jamie

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